pull my finger

Since I was a little kid, I've had this incredible habit where I will be in an aisle at the grocery store, wherever, and I'll let out a little toot here and there and exit the aisle. Someone would walk into my fart cloud, maybe a stranger, maybe my mom, and make the "I just walked into fart" face. Classic.


So after taking my mom and sister to Texas Roadhouse tonight, I realized that I was again going to need to do this. Don't worry, I am no amateur. I have farted at Borders before, normally around the travel section. So I pulled my mom aside before entering the store and I told her the signal would be one eye wink. She laughed and said, "Oh dear." As soon as I entered the crappy discount books section before you enter the store, I told her that the there was a rumble down under. She left while shaking her head as if to signal I am not her child. I go in and peruse the magazines and oops. Farty fart fart fart. First one was silent and harmless....second one more audible than I had hoped. Don't worry, I didn't drop an entire meatloaf or anything, but when my mom came back with two lattes in hand, I gave her the signal (wink wink). She began laughing and said I was a dumb-ass and she scooted away.



as far as i am concerned, farts are always funny. why else would they exist? our butts could simply be smaller and air could just fly out like an air-conditioning vent, but they don't. they are loud, vibrating, smelly wonders of joy. if you hear some old guy let a real skid-mark fart who blames it on an invisible dog and you don't laugh, well then you are just Satan himself.