good morning

is a bullshit term. i don't want to be awake. i want to be warm and cozy in my bed with my dog ellie moose and wake up at noon like a happy person. but no, i'm awake so i can attend a conference this morning. meanwhile that weird old guy that lives with me is giving me a lecture about driving in fog. what? yes vern, please educate me in the ways of driving through town so as not to run my car over a bridge, because you (like the unibomber) never leave the house.

so this officially starts the vern chronicles. for starters, i would like to say that vern in his own right already has a following. those who have met him revere him (though they often shuffle away if he approaches to avoid the hour long lecture). those who have not met him believe him to be a mystical man cloaked in a robe with his pipe spouting words of wisdom only the lucky will ever know. today's robe is the blue nautica that has been special dipped in chlorine to achieve just the right homeless crazy man look.

Deep special though by Vern Greenwood: "See, in the morning, that's when I get my best ideas. I wish I had a Dictaphone to record them." (Pause for lecture about paying bills.) "Don't think of a big problem as a big problem, but a little problem. Then all the little problems will take care of themselves. You know, you've got to get Duracell batteries because they're the best. You don't have to worry about them going dead."