one of the advice relics from the basement
From the man cloaked in the blue robe.........
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"You're not in the right vernacular." ~ spoken possibly just to hear his own name, and also to indicate that the conversational language has gotten too fancy at the dinner table. words struck from conversation include rhetorical, serotonin, and turgid.
"Ma, this is enough food to feed an army." ~ could indicate one tablespoon of mash potatoes or an entire plate of spaghetti. same verbal measurement anytime. also confusing because he is speaking to his wife.
"You have a champagne appetite and a beer pocketbook." ~ financial advice. could indicate daughters have spent money on a value meal at McDonald's or a bought a $300 purse. doesn't matter.
"Lights on, nobody's home." ~ euphemism for stupid. always used in context for cousin Normy, who I have been taught from early childhood to avoid in public. earliest memory includes running out of a Walgreen's in the mall during Christmas time, leaving our purchases to avoid awkward conversation about chickens or toupees.
"Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top." ~ see above
"Are you eating again?" ~ spoken during any meal. could be first meal of the day or last. same response.
"You can't beat kids. You can, but it doesn't do any good." ~ anti-child abuse advice
"It's colder than a well digger's ass." ~ measurement of temperature during winter months
"Wherever you go, there you are." ~ advice on geography
"Of all the places I've been, this sure is one of them." ~ additional advice on geography
"You can't push a noodle, especially if it's damp. You have to lead it." I have no idea what this is all about.
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