If you are in Greece and you say "it's Greek to me," the locals reply, "Δεν βρέθηκαν λέξεις," which means f*cking moron

So I went to meet up with my friend S and K at the "My Big Fat Greek Festival" tonight. I love Greek food, the funny costumes, the kick dancing and yelling OPA at the top of your lungs after you have no doubtedly hit the bottle of wine. What I didn't know what that S's lil' sister, let's call her LaLa, would be in town for festivities. LaLa is shiz-nittle-bam-snip-snap-sack. When we saw some kids getting their faces painted, I suggested she get hers done, her response was

"HELL YEAH!" So I painted this seahorse on her face.

I immediately decide that I should quit my job and become a carny who paints children's faces and sings theme songs at the top of my lungs, like from Full House and stupid shitty shows like that. "When you're drunk out there and feel all alone, your sober roommate will carry you home. Beer is....Everywhere you look. (Chipa-Dee-Ba-Ba-Dow)" Thank you Uncle Jesse.


Okay, so the night progresses and we end up going to downtown Rock Island to Steve's Old Time Tap for a beer and some chat. I forgot about LaLa out and about and downtown. Not ten minutes into sitting down, we are having a really super deep conversation about Beyonce's fake ass. Butt pads. Foamy butt pads. Hemorrhoid pillows to enhance her curves. Jay-Z's all snuggling up to her butt at night, thinking it's his pillow, and then she farts, and then he realizes pillows don't fart and he's all like "Damn girl. Why you gotta' be eatin' that shit that makes you all (insert fart noise from Jay-Z sticking his tongue out and vibrating it between his lips).

Direct quotation shouted out from LaLa to random people passing by on the sidewalk:


"Beyonce wears ass pads! My friend saw her live in NY and they were sticking out of her leotard...Everyone thinks her ass is real, but it's a damn sham!"

Visual aide:


Well naughty girl, this one's for you. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3wtt8yRxYU