Take me to McD's for a "Carry Out"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAgoOnsOYtE

 

Take my order cause your body like a
carry out

Let me walk into your body till it’s

lights out

Turn me on, my baby don't you

cut me out

Turn me on, my baby don't you

cut me out

The Survey Version REMIX

----------------------------------

Number one, I take two number three’s

That’s a whole lot of you and a side of me.

"Yes it is. Damn you must be hungry."

Now is it full of myself to want you full of me?

"Hello Mr. Gut."

And if there’s room for dessert then I want a piece. '

'I do enjoy dollar menu apple pie."

Baby get my order right, no errors.

“Was that a number one, and two number threes sir?”

Imma touch you in all the right areas –

“Pin number please sir”

I could feed you, you could feed me –

“I guess I could spare a fry?”

Girl, deliver that to me, come see me –

“I’m sorry, but we have a delivery fee of $10.00.
McDonald’s is mostly a drive through type place.”


What’s your name? “Janelle”

What’s your number? “# 2: Two cheeseburgers and a Diet Coke”

I’m glad I came

Can you take my order? “Yes. One moment please.”

Lament for Our Latrine

And so gone are the days that the 17 foot flood waters have retreated in our mighty Mississippi River and our Hi-Nee Hut at my workplace must now be boding us farewell. We will miss your smell, unapologetic standing by our railing, and most of all, our privilege to pee outside in near public in the ghetto of Davenport.

Goodbye old friend. Till next flood season!

http://www.bandbdraintechqc.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1&Itemid=8

Comedian Love

A very basic post with links to my favorite comedians speaking about the simple things in life. These are the places I go when I'm down because they put life into perspective, or at least make me belt out laughing.

Some Dave Chappelle: champion


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UayQTu2kH-U ("grape drink ain't the same formula - sugar, water, purple"


Wanda Sykes: hilarious


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU8506LwOaw&feature=related (Metric System problems)


Eddie Izzard: British actor/comedian. Great stuff


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IzDbNFDdP4 (history good times)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6npfjWoBCRM (executive transvestite)



Roseanne: white trash genius


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEdx0-w-Ecs (youl'll want to skip to around minute 4:40 of the clip) can't stop laughing even to this day. Badaboom! Chi Chi!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8P1t6fqE3s ("the gig is up!")


and some Becky love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3BJFhssEgA&feature=related ("maybe the wine had to breathe?")

Sisqo Reinvents Thong Song...Sites Inspiration from Snoop Dogg

(WARNING - the material you are about to read is neither endorsed by myself or Sisqo, though this song could create a new boost and/or genre for him. I just simply relay the thoughts that pop into my crazy little head)

This thing right here

Is lettin' all the shawties know
What guys talk about
You know
The finer things in life
Hahaha
Check it out

Ooh dat cush so delicious

And ya know me and Snoop could handle it

See ya bubbling that bong like who's is dis

With a look in yo eye getting’ so reddish
Uh


Ya like to smoke at all the hip hop spots
And ya cruise to the booze like connect da dots
Not just drinkin’ cause she likes the pot
Cuz she was livin' la Joey Lawrence WOAH ah!!!!!


She had Thai Sticks so stuck, stuck, stuck
Nuggets like what what, what
Pipe hydro, said sup’ sup’
Uh


I think to sing it again

She had Thai Sticks so stuck, stuck, stuck

Nuggets like what, what, what
Pipe hydro, said, sup’ sup’
All night long
Let me see that BONG



I like it when the bong goes smokey smoke smoke
Smokey make your throat go chokey choke choke
Girl I know you wanna smoke your dope dope dope dope
That bong! Thatbong bong bong bong bong!
I like it when the bong goes smokey smoke smoke
Smokey make your throat go chokey choke choke
Girl I know you wanna smoke your dope dope dope dope
That bong! That bong bong bong bong bong!

Congrats

To those who figured out that snacks is not a pallendrome. To the rest of you, you fail your funnyhahanotfunnystrange SAT question for the month. Try again next time.

New Tattoo Idea

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun, Double the Cheesburgers, Double the Chins, Yum Yum

So I am a sick of all these Facebook pictures of me with my double chin. And I blame McDonald's and their Double Cheeseburgers for my double chin. This tattoo is going to really put me on the mark.

COMING SOON: A Carry Out Scene That Will Blow Your Mind!!!!!! Hint..... "It's a whole lot of you and a side of me"

Self Help Group

Facilitator: "Welcome everyone to tonight's sob fest. Tonight's discussion we'll be talking about dieting."

Garfield: "Who the hell are you? Where is the other guy?"

Facilitator: "He quit. Apparently you are all too whiny."

Garfield: "So we are supposed to listen to a gigantic cup of iced tea?"
Facilitator: "My name is Mater Shake, but in light of tonight's subject, you may all call me Diet Shake."

Garfield: "Um, yeah, I have a problem with that."
Facilitator: "Who would like to speak first? Eeyore, is that your foot or something I see?"
Eeyore: "Hi everyone. I'm Eeyore. I guess I have been doing okay. Been eating an all vegetable diet from Rabbit's garden." Eeyore farts loudly.
Linus: "Good grief" Linus wraps his blanket around his face. Garfield belts out laughing.

Garfield: "Pahahahahahaha"

Facilitator/Diet Shake: "Okay everyone, settle down, especially you Eeyore. You may need to go check that situation out. These chairs are rented and we can't afford any stains or lawsuits." Eeyore looks down and blushes.

Linus: "So Eeyore, any specific recipe or vegetable you recommend for us?" Linus tries to smile through the stench.

Eeyore: "Well, I have been eating some eggplant, but I'm really enjoying pumpkins and the pumpkin pie that Rabbit has made."
Linus: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Not Pumpkins. You do realize what you have done you, you, donkey!"

Eeyore stares over at Linus and shrugs. Garfield belts out laughing again. Another group member rolls into the meeting.

Linus: "You could have been killing the Great Pumpkin Eeyore. The Great Pumpkin! What if he doesn't come! Oh GOOD GRIEF what have you done?"
Garfield: "Hey, I don't mean to cut into the kids meltdown here, but there is some meatball in the chair over there smoking."
Facilitator/Diet Shake: "Everyone, this is Meatwad. Meatwad, why are you smoking?"

Meatwad: "You told me it made me look bad ass. Where's the coffee? Ain't there coffee at these AA meetings? I need a fix."
Facilitator/Diet Shake: "Meatwad, today we are discussing diets. Do you have anything to contribute?"

Meatwad: "Well, as a wad of meat, I'd have to say I'm pro-meat."

Garfield: "Hell yeah, all I need to do is to shove that cigarette up his butt and then he'd be a barbecued meatball. Mmmmm."
Facilitator/Diet Shake: "Garfield, look at the rule board again. Remember, we don't not make fun of anyone, nor do we make threats to eat them unless they come with sauce. Got it?"

Facilitator/Diet Shake: "It looks like we have another member. State your name please."
Max: silence.
Facilitator/Diet Shake: "Yo, hippity hop. You gotta name or something. Say, where'd you get that beverage? We have no beverages here."
Max: silence
Meatwad: "I want coffee too Shake. Hey you, bunny, where did you get that coffee?"
Garfield: "Hey meatball, shut up. I smell vodka. Hey dingledein, where'd you get the sauce. This meeting is shit."
Facilitator/Diet Shake: "Now, we don't know he's drunk. Bunny? Bunny with the cup? You looking for AA? It ain't here today. Go back to the bunny patch where you belong kiddo"
Garfield: "Who catered this event? I want a lasagna and I know just the candidate to make it all meaty and good."
Meatwad: "Hey pussy. Don't be putting your threats on me. I slice you like a ninja."
Garfield: "Last time someone called me that, I fucking knocked that dog off the counter top. Why don't you just be an appetizer and shut up so I can eat you!"
Linus: "Can we get back on topic. So the Great Pumpkin may be destroyed forever."
Garfield: "Look, suck on your thumb. Snuggle in your blanket and here's a Valium. Now SHUT UP!"
Linus: "That wasn't very nice."
Eeyore has fallen asleep.
Facilitator/Diet Shake: "Well I see everyone has given today's topic quite a bit of thought. I suppose all you losers are going to a pizza parlor after this. I just hope you realize that that pizza won't love you back. I know, I have tried."
Everyone gets up and Meatwad rolls over to Master Shake. 
Meatwad: "I thought you said there would be chicks here. All I saw was an ass, some fat pussy who wants to eat me, a whiny boy with some blanket  a drunk underage bunny, and you. How'd you get this gig anyway?"
Master Shake: "I beat up the facilitator in the alley behind the building. Thought there might be free snacks or something. Had I realized it was about dieting, I just would have gone home and ordered some delivery on Frylock's credit card."